141. Biggest Lesson Learned in 2025: Slow & Steady Wins the Race
Meet the Host
Five years ago, after achieving my degrees and teaching as a professor, I was feeling proud that I had checked everything off my life list. But, I wasn’t satisfied in my marriage.
Today, I’m a relationship coach on a mission to resurrect the side of you that got lost in your marriage. Millions of people around the world soak up my content for advice on how to have a more satisfying relationship.
This episode highlights the difficulties that I endured this year. At the time, I did not share this situation on social media for legal reasons, but I can provide some insight about it now.
I walk you through this year and how certain events affected me. I can now see clearly that everything that happened this year taught me a valuable lesson.
Slowing down yields the very blessings that God is waiting to give to you, but during a period where you can actually listen to him.
Click the link to listen, and let me know what you think - I’d love to hear from you!
If this episode hits home and you’re ready to work with me, book a call so we can chat. On the call, you’ll share what’s going on, what you’ve tried, and I’ll share how I can help. Can’t wait to connect!
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Episode Transcript:
Karina:
Amigos, welcome back to the Relationship Reset with me, your host, Karina F. Daves, marriage expert and host of this dope podcast. This episode is going to highlight one of my best friend's favorite quotes, which is that slow and steady wins the race.
This episode will also highlight the difficulties that I endured this year that I did not share as much on social media, mainly because legally I couldn't. And I am going to try to take you through more of the emotional battle and more of the emotional victories that occurred.
And so I apologize in advance, especially for my curious listeners, if I can't dish everything out on a platter, but at least I can provide for you ⁓ some insight. And so if you follow me on social media and you're like, girl, you were gone for like large chunks of time, this is why.
I really thought that my sister's cancer was one of the most difficult periods of my life, along with having 12 surgeries in two years. But this summer, this year really challenged me. The beginning of the year, as y'all know, I was working in tech. I was traveling a lot as a ⁓ regional director of workplace experience that is actually was my full-time position along with building the business as a marriage expert and working with my clients and whatnot. I do have a nine to five, but we can talk about that on some other podcast episode. And so my job required me to travel often for events or for building out offices. When you work with facilities, you're in charge of facilities and workplace experience. You're in charge of just not the physical space, but also the ⁓ emotional impact, the emotional experience from the minute that the person walks through the door to the minute that they leave. And so I supervised office managers, front desk receptionist, facilities, crews, day porters, kitchen staff on 10 different regions. Right. So think all the US and all of the time. so in towards the end of 2024 and beginning of 2025, I was traveling significantly to Brazil. I think in like maybe four months I was there six times. Four to six months I was there six times. It was a lot catching some red eyes and it was exhausting. mean, was thankfully I was promoted to director from regional manager in the month of February. And in March, my son had his birthday on March 13th and I missed it. And if you look through my reels, you can see me talking about, you know, the fact that I missed his birthday. I flew back and I it was devastating. I've never missed any of my kids birthdays. And this was a big one. It was it was number 10.
But I would say that emotionally during this period in the beginning of twenty twenty five, I was feeling exhausted, but also excited. I was feeling exhausted, I think, because of the significant amount of traveling. But I was feeling excited for the potential of what was to come, right? I am somebody that is a go-getter, somebody that really just ⁓ strives for the best, but I'm also human. I don't think that I'm a perfectionist. I make a lot of mistakes and ⁓ I just constantly have my eye on the prize. At the end of quarter one, my exhaustion and my stress level, would say heightened a lot. And I think that if I had to look back now, ⁓ a big part of me was in this space of go, go, go. And in May, I had to transition out of my tech position and it was difficult.
It forced me to be alone with my thoughts. It forced me to look loneliness in the face. It forced me to slow down. And I absolutely hate slowing down. I am not built for slowing down.
I'm built to go at a very fast speed all the time and I get bored very easily. The months of June and July of 2025 were the months that I do believe I was significantly battling depression.
For the first time in a long time, I think my sister's cancer, while it made me sad, I don't know, there was always this like hope on the other side, right? It's like death meets hope. ⁓ But something about this year and the situation that I was in, I was having constant days of very, very low lows and very high highs. And thank God this happened in the summer because I could go outside and I knew that the best medicine for me to lean on was a combination of God and routine.
And so, not that I strayed away from God, but I do think that our busyness doesn't allow us to be with him in the same way that we are when we're in need. And as ashamed as I am to share this, I think many of us go through this moment where you lean on God more than ever during those times of despair. And so I was back in that moment and I felt like God opened up the door and was like, Come on in. I've been waiting for you.
We talked, we cried, we laughed. I was so pissed off most days, then I was not pissed off the other most days. And I remember the biggest message I felt from God was I missed you. I missed you. And I remember thinking like, wow, like God, God cares. Like he...
He cares for your presence. He cares to want you there. Like he wants that relationship with you. And my husband was so annoying during this period because he had so much faith. And I'm telling you, it is so annoying to live with someone that when you're just feeling like things aren't gonna work out and they're like, no, it's gonna be fine.
That is so annoying to be married to a very faithful, hopeful person. I'm just gonna put it out there. But I am so grateful that he is. I'm so grateful that my husband didn't jump in the pool with me. I'm so grateful that he saw how everything was gonna work out or maybe he didn't and what he leaned on was God, right?
And so I got back in the word much more, started Pilates up again. And so in May, my husband said to me, listen, I know you. And instead of going on a shopping spree, you should buy yourself something big that will help you during this transition. And I said, like what? And he said, you should get yourself a Pilates machine. And I was like, what? And I went online. I found a $900 Pilates machine.
And I know it sounds crazy, but it was my medicine. It was my medicine. When I finally got the opportunity to slow down, I finally got the opportunity to hear and listen to what God was telling me. I was able to, how Joyce Meyer says, relieve a lot of the dis-ease that I had in my heart because she talks a lot about how you can't expect your body not to live with any dis- disease if you have so much uneasiness inside of you and I always say that bad times expose your life not ruin them and so during this period exposed my relationship with God it Exposed the fact that I didn't have to spend so much money on all these outside classes. I could do a lot of things at home and so I did that and I started following this guy named Johnny something and Pilates is like 70 years old as white guy. He's so cool. And I started going for walks. And one of the things that my husband has a problem with me is that I don't explore the town as much as he would like me to. And I just because I'm just so focused. ⁓ And then I think that.
I apologize for getting so emotional about the last share during this difficult period, but if any parent has ever felt that deep, deep guilt of not being able to give your kids the time and attention that you know deep down inside they need, this summer exposed that. And I have walked around the last 11 years with a lot of mom guilt from time to time and I'm able to regulate it. But I think this summer really opened up my heart to see my kids for the first time.
And I think that while I was so engrossed in joy that I could finally see them for who they are. It made me feel so guilty about what I hadn't done prior.
And, ⁓ I started to spend slow mornings with my kids and they would be around when I would be doing Pilates. I started to pick up my kids from school and I never did that before as much as I was doing now.
I started to intentionally bake after school snacks and cook a lot slower. I was going, I was going to my kids sports practice and just sitting there and I never
I never knew it meant this much to them. And I think it's, it's not your presence, which matters, but I think it's the micro moment that happens in between that presence. So the dropping off at football practice and then deciding to stay there, right? It's the showing up to football practice and then saying, let's go get bubble tea after it's that moment that that they crave. And this summer and it's slowness taught me how to be a mom again.
Slow and steady does win.
I just beat myself up constantly because I don't want to be wired the way that I'm wired to be addicted and crave tasks and getting things done. Like I have to actively work so hard to not be that person.
And God was able to expose the fact that that fast pace, how much there's a place and time for that and how much larger of the time in our lives is meant to be slow and at ease because God is time and rushing and hurrying is not of God.
And ⁓ I have to show you something. So if you're listening to this, ⁓ I'm sorry, but you could go to YouTube and you could see what I'm about to show you.
I spent the summer taking the time to ⁓ be with my family, slow down and figure out my next move. And I had a lot of conversations with friends about what I wanted. I have a very good best friend and she kept saying like, you had to decide, Gotti, what you want, what you want. I just kept like, what do I want? And what I wanted was like the next big role. And so I spent like a couple months searching for that next big role.
And then I woke up one day and I said, this isn't about what I want. This is about what I need. And what I need is a different, more comfortable pace. What I need is not to be in charge of so much. How is it that I'm this director, this regional director, then a full business, then a mom?
And then my husband like, thank God these people like me and love me in my life and are so understanding, but I didn't like the pace anymore. And so I made the transition recently, about a month ago actually, ⁓ to a role that I'm really happy with. ⁓ So I'm currently the EA for a CEO and...
I started to realize that the market was asking for strategic partnerships and many of the EA to CEO positions. They're just not looking for somebody to manage the calendar anymore. Like they're really looking for that individual that can think 10 steps ahead. That is that strategic partner that ⁓ has emotional intelligence that really can get the ball going. And so I interviewed a lot and I got a couple of offers and where I am now is good is good and with any change like there I'm I beat myself up constantly because I don't I when I don't learn something fast enough I'm like, I'm such an idiot, but I'm not we repeat that in Jesus name.
So, after about two weeks of being in that role. My husband said to me, how do you feel? Like, isn't it worth it? And I know what he was getting at, which is like, isn't it worth it to be in this role where, know, it's not as fast paced and and and, you know, crazy traveling as it used to be. But isn't it worth it?
And I was standing at the end of the table and he was cooking and I was like, I don't know how to answer that. I know that the right answer is yes, it's worth it, but my body wants more. And I was unpacking, ⁓ my gosh, I'm gonna cry. I was unpacking Levi, my youngest kid's backpack. And I'll backtrack and say that I made a... habit of like every Friday I would get ⁓ treats from this place called ginger treats and I would surprise my kids after school on Fridays so they would have sweets before dinner. And so I opened up his backpack and he had a poster and it was laminated and it says I am thankful for my family because. And you have to finish the sentence. And my son wrote.
I am thankful for my family because my mom gives me sweets after school.
And what I tell you, let me show it to you. When I tell you, I started bawling. I was just like, God, like if you could just be any more direct, here you go, right? This was worth it. This was worth it. My baby having a core memory was worth slowing down. So yes, the answer is it was worth it.
And my biggest lesson, of 2025 for anybody that's listening is that slowing down yields the very blessings that God is waiting to give to you, but during a period where you can actually listen to him. And that was my biggest lesson ⁓ of this year.
So anyways, listen, I'm wishing you the best. love you so much.
You're not going to hear from us in our podcast till next year. We have really, really cool episodes coming up about marriage, more testimonies of my marriage with Terrence from my perspective. You'll hear more about that. And ⁓ I just. I know I end every single episode in prayer, but first, I just I just want to say thank you for being with me. I'm not the type of person to apologize for my lack of presence on the Internet because I have worked so hard even during periods where so many things were difficult in my life to create content so that it could be recyclable. so during those periods, I just recycle a lot of that content and I know it brings value. And so I never apologize for my absence because I know that when you have me, you have me, but when you don't have me, there's a reason and it's always a good one. And so I just really want to thank you for this year.
I wanna thank you, if you've worked with me, I wanna say thank you for the honor of working with you. I wanna say thank you for trusting me. I wanna say thank you to my team, Megan, who's my podcast manager. Thank you to Megan. Thank you to Kiara. Thank you to Brittany, my bookkeeper. Thank you ⁓ to the other Brittany, web designer. I said, Kiara, just a million thank you to my friends, ⁓ my family, ⁓ and the two people especially, which are my husband and God, and I guess my kids too, all of them. Just thank you to everybody for being here. just, ⁓ I feel like I'm.I get. I feel like I can finally enjoy my miracle.
God gives us free will which is why some things take longer because we decided to do it our way. So let me just pray.
Father God, I thank you for our life. I thank you that this year did not rob us of our joy or hope, you? I just thank you. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for our lives. Thank you for our relationships. Thank you. Thank you for loving us. Amen.
Okay. I love you so much. Happy 2025 and happy new year. And I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
