From Broken to Committed
Client: Benjamin
Relationship Status: Engaged to Beatriz, after a difficult breakup and healing journey
Type of Infidelity: No sexual or romantic infidelity—emotional breakdown caused by control, inconsistency, and lack of follow-through
The Challenge
When Benjamin first came to me, he was in emotional crisis. He had just broken up with Beatriz—again. He had reached out to her against my advice, hoping to convince her to move in together despite their already fragile dynamic. Instead of bringing them closer, the pressure drove her further away. When Beatriz finally said she was done, Benjamin didn’t just feel rejected—he felt lost.
The truth was, Benjamin wanted a future with Beatriz more than anything. But he couldn’t stop getting in his own way.
He struggled deeply with needing control over the relationship—how fast it moved, how much assurance he received, how often Beatriz expressed care. Her directness and independence triggered him. He saw it as coldness, when really, it was Beatriz’s way of protecting her peace.
Beatriz, on the other hand, had valid concerns. Benjamin had been married twice before. He was financially unstable in his 60s, while she was younger, more established, and raising kids on her own. Benjamin was kind to her children—but she feared he wasn’t showing up for her.
Her biggest concerns? Three things: lack of financial transparency, a mismatched sex drive he claimed to have but didn’t act on, and a consistent pattern of not following through.
One of their biggest breakdowns came when Benjamin told her they could go house hunting. They found a dream home. Then, Benjamin dropped a bomb—he couldn’t be on the mortgage because of financial issues. Beatriz felt blindsided, misled, and deeply disappointed.
They fought in circles. Beatriz felt unheard and unconsidered. Benjamin felt unloved and misunderstood.
The Turning Point: How He Began to H.E.A.L.
H - Hear What Really Happened
Our first step was helping Benjamin understand what actually caused the breakdown—and it wasn’t just Beatriz walking away.
Benjamin had a pattern of emotional dependence. He needed Beatriz’s constant validation, but he rarely created emotional safety for her. He said the right things but didn’t always follow through. And while he believed he was showing love, what he was really doing was trying to manage her behavior—asking her to make choices that were “good for her” instead of simply listening to what she wanted.
Beatriz, meanwhile, wasn’t heartless—she was exhausted. She had spent months repeating herself, asking for clarity, and trying to set boundaries. Her honesty wasn’t cruelty. It was survival.
When Benjamin began to hear this—really hear it—he stopped framing Beatriz’s distance as punishment and started seeing it as protection. He had pushed for more closeness without building the foundation it required.
Breakthrough: Benjamin stopped focusing on how much he loved Beatriz and started asking whether his actions were making her feel loved. That shift was everything.
E - Establish Accountability
Once Benjamin came to terms with what had really happened, the next step was ownership. Not just of the mistakes—but of the impact.
For Benjamin, this meant confronting the inconsistencies that kept breaking trust. The house-hunting incident was just one example. He often made promises in the moment, driven by emotion or hope, but failed to follow through with the structure, planning, or transparency those promises required.
He wasn’t intentionally manipulative—but his desire for closeness led him to overcommit and underdeliver. And that pattern left Beatriz feeling like she couldn’t trust anything he said.
So we did the work. I helped Benjamin develop tangible systems for rebuilding trust:
He began creating timelines for big decisions.
He shared financial documents, not just words.
He practiced saying, “I’m not ready to commit to that yet” instead of making hollow agreements.
We also worked on his emotional regulation. Benjamin learned how to sit with discomfort—when Beatriz didn’t text back right away, when she said no, or when she needed space. He stopped reacting from fear and started responding from a grounded place.
At the same time, Beatriz noticed the shift. He wasn’t just saying sorry—he was showing change.
Breakthrough: Benjamin stopped trying to prove his love through pressure and started proving it through follow-through. That’s when Beatriz began to believe in the relationship again.
A - Align on His New Normal
After months of clarity and growth, Benjamin and Beatriz came back together—not as a repeat of the past, but with a shared understanding of what their relationship needed to work.
Together, we defined their new normal:
Emotional clarity over assumption
Shared financial planning over secrecy
Mutual respect for boundaries instead of managing each other’s emotions
Beatriz expressed what she needed: space to process, realistic timelines, and consistency. Benjamin shared what he needed: emotional reassurance, transparency, and clearer expectations.
We created a “relationship rhythm” that honored both of them:
Weekly check-ins that kept emotions from bottling up
A plan for merging finances and responsibilities gradually
Shared rituals like Sunday meal planning and mid-week connection calls
They weren’t trying to rush back to love. They were building a new kind of love—steadier, safer, more balanced.
Breakthrough: Benjamin and Beatriz began operating as partners, not projects. They didn’t need to be perfect—they just needed to be aligned.
L - Let’s Be Partners Again
This was the chapter where it all shifted.
Beatriz began softening—not because she was letting her guard down, but because she no longer needed the guard. Benjamin’s consistency spoke louder than his declarations ever had.
And Benjamin? He stopped chasing a version of Beatriz that would “make him feel better” and started cherishing the real version of her—the one who needed truth, not promises.
They planned their re-engagement together—not impulsively, but intentionally. They both contributed to what their future would look like, from how they’d merge households to how they’d maintain their individual passions and parenting rhythms.
Their communication became gentler. Their disagreements, shorter. Their trust, rebuilt.
Breakthrough: Benjamin didn’t win Beatriz back by convincing her. He won her back by becoming the man he said he wanted to be—and showing her, day after day, that he meant it.
The Results
Benjamin and Beatriz are now engaged—not just in a legal sense, but in the truest sense of the word. They are emotionally invested, committed to truth, and grounded in the work they’ve done to get here.
They still face challenges—every couple does. But the cycles they used to get stuck in no longer define them. Benjamin no longer needs control to feel safe. Beatriz no longer needs distance to feel secure.
They’ve created a new dynamic—one rooted in clarity, shared values, and emotional maturity.
