Repairing After Survival Love
Background: Brittany and Trey came to coaching emotionally worn down and disconnected. Trey, a veteran with PTSD, showed love through provision—buying cars, a home, and gifts—but also expressed control and anger when Brittany didn’t comply. Brittany, who had a child young, felt like Trey “rescued” her. But she also felt smothered and unseen. He wanted coaching to convince her to stay. She came in quiet but questioning.
The Challenge
Trey didn’t understand that his love was conditional. The moment Brittany resisted, he pulled back emotionally or punished her verbally. In early sessions, he regularly cut her off while Brittany minimized her feelings and tried to keep the peace. He believed everything wrong was Brittany’s fault. She believed she had no room to exist.
The Turning Point: How He Began to H.E.A.L.
H - Hear What Really Happened
In our earliest sessions, it became clear that Brittany never put herself first—not in motherhood, not in her marriage, and definitely not in coaching. She operated in a pattern of survival. Trey thought he was being a provider, but he had no idea he was also silencing his wife.
Brittany shared, slowly at first, that she didn’t feel safe. That when Trey didn’t get his way, she felt punished. He used her past, his money, and her dependence as weapons.
Breakthrough: Brittany realized she had a voice. Trey realized he was using provision as control—and that an apology wouldn’t fix years of fear. They began naming their trauma and seeing each other’s pain without immediately defending themselves.
E - Establish Accountability
We introduced a mirror exercise where they saw their actions from the other’s perspective. Trey began to realize that while he viewed himself as a savior, Brittany saw him as a threat. That broke him open.
Brittany admitted that she had treated Trey more like a checklist than a partner—she was emotionally withdrawn, and it wasn’t just about him. It was about her trauma, her exhaustion, and her need to finally be nurtured.
Breakthrough: Trey stopped interrupting. Brittany stopped shrinking. They started talking—not to defend or blame, but to understand. Trey recognized that his PTSD didn’t excuse his behavior, and Brittany finally asked for what she needed instead of hoping he’d figure it out.
A - Align on His New Normal
They began greeting each other every morning. Helping each other in small ways. Laughing again. Being in the same room without tension.
We created rituals of reconnection—morning coffee together, short walks, even shared cooking nights. They spent less time apart. Less time isolated. They created an agreement to slow down, respond rather than react, and keep their energy in check—especially when the baby was around.
Breakthrough: Brittany realized her lack of desire wasn’t about Trey—it was about safety. Once she felt emotionally safe, physical intimacy followed. Trey learned to love without a scoreboard.
L - Let’s Be Partners Again
They resumed intimacy. They held hands again. They started enjoying each other without fear of the other shoe dropping. Brittany no longer felt trapped. Trey no longer felt unappreciated.
Breakthrough: They finally saw each other as equals—not a rescuer and a rescued, but partners. They built a new foundation, not around survival, but around choice.
The Results
Brittany and Trey are still together. Not because they have to be—but because they want to be. They now have shared language, emotional tools, and a new lens on partnership.
