78. Why More Money Won't Solve Your Marriage Issues
Meet the Host
Five years ago, after achieving my degrees and teaching as a professor, I was feeling proud that I had checked everything off my life list. But, I wasn’t satisfied in my marriage.
Today, I’m a relationship coach on a mission to resurrect the side of you that got lost in your relationship and responsibilities teaching you how to stop arguing and have more sex. Millions of people around the world soak up my content for advice on how to have a more satisfying relationship.
In this week’s episode, we talk about why money will not solve your marriage issues.
That one issue that you're having right now in your marriage that you think money will solve, I'm going to tell you how money will not solve it.
These are questions I want you to ask yourself as you navigate solving for your marital issues with money:
Can you even have conversations about money safely, soberly, and calmly without pointing the finger?
Are you and your partner in a position where you feel like you can talk to each other about each other's expenses and not feel like the other person is pointing the finger?
In this episode, I will walk you through how to communicate effectively when talking about money and how to become a better team member.
Whether you're in a long-term relationship or simply interested in what relationships go through, then know that this episode will offer valuable insights to inspire hope in even the darkest times.
Click the link to listen below and email me back with your thoughts, I want to hear from you!
If this episode resonated with you and you're ready to work with me during this season of your life, then I invite you to book a sales call below.
During the sales call, you will share what is going on in your life, what you have tried so far, and how I can help. I can't wait to meet you, chica.
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Episode Transcript:
Karina: Amigos, como estan? Welcome back to Relationships You Understand. Today I'm going to record an episode called Why Money Will Not Solve Your Marriage Issues. Okay, that one issue that you're having right now in your marriage that you think money will solve it, I'm going to tell you how money will not solve it.
Okay. My name is Karina F. Dave's. I'm a relationship coach, a speaker, and the podcast host of this dope podcast, where we talk about how you can stop arguing with your partner and have way more sex. Okay. I, as I always, I promise that our podcast episodes are under 30 minutes. and at the end, I'm going to ask to pray for you.
And even if you say no, I still will. Okay. You can shut it off at that point. All right, let's get into it. Why money won't solve your marriage issue. So I first want to start off by sharing a testimony that there was a period in my marriage in the beginning years We're gonna say year three of year. Yeah in the first three years When I was really starting my career in higher education My husband was on his journey to becoming a master technician and I felt like The issues that we were having in our marriage when it came to the things that we were bickering about, which turned into huge blow ups could have easily been solved by money.
And not that we were having issues about money. But I felt like if we had more money coming in that that in some way would relieve the pressure of that right of wanting more or relieve the pressure and being able to go on more vacations or be able to spend more Whatever. I thought that even though we weren't having met money issues I really felt like if we had more money It would relieve tension and pressure in our marriage so that we wouldn't have as many marital issues.
And so for seven years, literally, for about seven years, I applied to over 200 jobs, And I got rejected by many of them, we're going to say over 80 percent of them, and I got a couple of interviews and I always made it to the last round to all of these interviews and I never got the job. And so in year nine of our marriage, I land a tech job when I transitioned from higher ed to tech.
And As I got the job, I remember literally praying and asking God, literally being grateful that I got the job, and then asking God, why didn't you give me this job sooner? And immediately, I felt the Holy Spirit show me and tell me, I'll tell you what he showed me, but let me tell you what he said. He said, you were not mature enough to receive this blessing and neither was your marriage.
Now I'm thinking like, what? I am mature. Like I pay bills. And it all goes back to the fact that the world will have you believing that you are so mature because you got these kids because you pay this mortgage because you got this career. You got this job. You got this team that you manage. The world will have you believing.
that you are very mature. But sometimes the reason why our blessings don't come quicker or in the timeline that we want them to is simply because our heart posture And our level of maturity isn't right. And I knew what he meant. He meant that my marriage wasn't mature enough to receive that blessing.
Right. And immediately he showed me this vision of mascara running, running down my face, and I actually only shared this vision with one person, mascara running down my face and me holding my knees to my stomach, that that would have been the result. If I would have, if our family would have received that job way beforehand, when I thought that money was going to solve all of our issues, you understand?
So here's the thing right now in your marriage, you think that money is going to relieve pressure. In your marriage, you think that money will allow you both to, you know, focus better. You think that money is going to be the very thing that is going to allow you both to argue less. And these are the questions that I want you to ask yourself right now in your marriage when you think that money is going to be the very thing that solves it.
Okay. I want you to ask this first question, which is, Are you mature enough to manage the money you have now? Are you mature enough to manage the money you have now? Like, is your marriage mature enough to manage the money you have now? It's all aligned. When God is the third knot of your marriage, of your relationship, everything flows, like your values from your faith flow into your values with your money.
So, are you mature enough to handle and manage the money you have now? The second question I want you to ask yourself is, are you mature enough to handle the pressure of more money? Because here's the thing, right now you find yourself arguing with your partner constantly about the dumbest things. We're talking dumbest things like, you didn't call me and tell me that you were gonna go to CVS before you came home, or I caught you in the driveway.
skimming on your phone before you came in knowing that, you know, we had a lot going on or you forgot to tell me that you were going to go. you know, to, you know, brunch with your guy friends this weekend or, you know, whatever it is, you are arguing about the dumbest things right now in your marriage. And so I want you to ask yourself, are you mature enough to handle the pressure of money?
Because the reality is that your relationship has a lot of pressure right now. The pressure of the arguing, the pressure of the kids, the pressure of just responsibilities, the Pressure of the fact that your relationship isn't really stable right now. So are you prepared thinking that money is going to solve it when knowing that money, let me just remind you, money brings on more pressure.
Are you and your partner mature enough to handle the pressure of more money when I transitioned into the tech job. My salary doubled and it was enough for my husband to, in some ways, really retire from the mechanic industry and do something that was less, taxing on his body and be able to focus more on his dream, which was to be a race car driver.
Now, thinking that. All of that money was just going to solve all our issues was wrong. You see, we still needed to communicate about the influx of money. We still needed to figure out where this money would be saved, how it would be spent, who would manage it. And I remember having this conversation when I got the tech job with my husband saying, Listen, like I've managed our money.
You know, we had a lot of money conversations, but the main person that was paying the bills, like clicking the buttons was me. And I said, this is something that I just can't do anymore. Like I am tapped out and I'm really, really, really trying to build this business. And the capacity that I have is running out for that.
And my husband was like, fine, I'll take it on. And it's been two years, praise God. And he's taken it on and the pressures that come with managing the money isn't easy, but our marriage was prepared enough to manage. Even the change like that, like not even the actual dollars, but I want you to ask yourself, is your marriage even prepared to handle the activities that surround another influx of money coming into your relationship?
You understand? And the next question I want you to ask yourself is, can you even have conversations about money safely now soberly Quietly, and not quietly, but calmly without pointing the finger? And what I mean by that is, are you and your partner in a position right now where you feel like you can talk to each other about each other's expenses and not feel like the other person is pointing the finger, but feel like we're just talking about our expenses.
Do you talk about money safely in your relationship? Now, if you don't more money is not going to solve that. Because more money brings on what? More problems to solve, right? In essence, more money means that you're going to spend it in different places, whether you save it, whether you spend it more, a target, whatever it is, you are going to argue about that.
And if you cannot have safe, calm, sober conversations about money and how it's being spent right now in your marriage, there is without a doubt, no chance that more money is going to save your relationship without a doubt, more money. is not going to help the relationship issues that are going on in your marriage and the things that you are arguing about right now.
You understand?
Hola amiga. Here's the thing. You've mastered everything else in your life but your relationship. You and your partner are not as intimate as you used to be. You are both stuck in this awful cycle of arguing that starts with bickering and ends with your routine blow-ups every few months.
Every single time that you bring up an issue looking to resolve it, they feel like you're complaining and then you begin to distance yourself. You feel like you're living with a roommate. Rather than your life partner, your relationship, Amiga needs comprehension. Comprehension allows you and your partner to forgive each other quicker.
Comprehension allows you and your partner to prioritize each other again. Comprehension is the very thing that will allow you both to give each other the space you need during those blow-ups. It stops the cycle of arguing. In my private one-on-one coaching program, I help women just like you come up with the exact communication strategies to begin to comprehend their partners and have their partners comprehend them.
I will tell you the issues about your relationship that will take your couple's therapist six months to tell you in just the very first session. It only takes one person in the relationship to do the work for there to be any progress. Either way, you will grow and that is what is important. Through a mixture of one-on-one coaching, relationship framework, and plenty of ah-ha moments, you'll finally be able to understand your triggers more deeply and decrease the time you spend arguing with your partner.
You'll become more of an active listener versus being offended all the time. I want to help you stop arguing on the way to date night and actually have energy for post-date night activities. If you know what I mean, I'm on a mission to show women like you, how to talk to their partners in a way that moves the needle for your relationship, rather than leaving you stuck in this toxic cycle of arguing.
I know many of us are struggling with this in such a private way, but believe me, a better relationship is possible, but it begins with you. So let's work together. I want to help you go to the link in the podcast notes to book a sales call where we'll talk about everything that's happened so far, what you've tried and how I can help.
I can't wait to work with you to get you and your partner to stop arguing and have more sex. I can't wait to meet you. Also, in thinking about all that, I want you to ask yourself, are you a good team member? See, the thing about money is that when you are in a relationship with someone and, you know, you're married and you have expenses, especially when you have children, things get exposed about you. And especially when it comes to money.
It exposes whether or not you're a good team member. And what I mean by that is how effectively are you communicating? To each other, your thoughts about money, how effectively are you communicating to each other about how you value certain money being spent a certain way, how you valued money being watched growing up, how, what thoughts do you have about the way money gets spent and the way money shouldn't be spent, right?
Like, are you a good team member? Can you communicate well about money? Money exposes a lot. In relationships. Okay. A lot about our character, a lot about who we are. All right. Now there's the verse in the Bible that I wanted to share with y'all today, which is that Proverbs 29 says that without a vision, you will perish without a vision for your money that you want to come.
You will perish. Okay. Without a vision for the blessings that you're asking God to bring in on your relationship. You will perish like it without a doubt you need a vision and in order to have a vision you have to practice having these Uncomfortable conversations with your partner and stop thinking that money is gonna solve everything because it's not it's not going to help You and your partner decrease your arguing You think that money will solve your marriage issues, but knowing how to argue is the solution to your marriage issues.
Let me just repeat that again. You think that money is going to be the very thing that is going to solve your marriage issues when actually knowing the. of how to have a conversation in which results in arguing less, in which results in communication to comprehension, in which actually creates an understanding between two people is actually the solution to your marriage issues.
And this is exactly what I help my clients and my one-on-one coaching program do. Okay. I work with couples. I work with men individually. I work with women individually, anything that you need at this point, I do. Okay. I am going to help you figure out how to argue less in your relationship, whether it is about money, whether it is about, you know, a past decision that y'all made that you didn't agree with, whether it is your in laws, whether it is you feel like you're not being listened to or taken care of, whatever the issue is, And In my private one on one coaching program, I help my clients figure out how to argue less so that you can be washing the dishes and your partner can rub up against your backside and you be prepared because you know what time it is.
You can be accepting of that. I want to help you argue less so you and your partner could start to understand each other and get to know each other outside. Of this sort of like rut and cycle of arguing that you're in you understand I want to be able to work with you to tell you the things in our first session That your couple's therapist is going to take six months to tell you you understand I'm going to tell it to you in the first session You have a problem about a money decision that you and your partner made two years ago We are going to solve it head-on in the first session because you and your partner deserve To go on to that date night and not argue on the way to date night.
Y'all ever plan a date night? And argue on the way to date night is the worst thing to do. Okay, I'm going to help you argue less on your way to date night. Okay, so listen, if this is you go to link in my bio. I primarily live on Instagram and tick tock go to the link in my bio and book a sales call so I can help you argue less in your relationship.
Decrease the arguments and increase your intimacy. Okay. We're going to talk about everything that's happened so far, what you've tried and how I can help. I can't wait to meet you and listen, my name is Karina F days. I'm a relationship coach and speaker and podcast host of this dope podcast. And I want you to know something, which is that I don't just teach and preach and come up with frameworks for my clients from a book.
Much of it comes from my own testimony and a very large percentage of it comes from God because I'm just his vessel. Okay. And I pray so much, not just about my clients, but this vision that he has me on and this mission that he has me on. And recently I had a really good friend tell me that My mission is so important that the mission that I'm on is something that is going to continue knocking until I quit everything and just focus on my mission.
Not quit being a mom, but you get me, right? Or being a wife, but quit all the other things that, take up my daytime. and I'm committed to this mission. I want you to know that. So thank you so much for coming back for another week of relationships. You understand? and can I pray for you? I want to pray for you.
Okay. Father God, I thank you so much for this podcast episode. I thank you so much for this day. I thank you, Holy Spirit, that you've allowed us to be with you. I think that many of us can sit here right now and go through. a comic book strip of all the ratchetness that we've ever been and how we've acted.
I know me, I'm getting images of being in places that I shouldn't have been. And, you know, we are sorry for that part, but we also know that that part is, was necessary in order for us to grow in order for us to prune in order for us to become committed to you. And I think that it's very difficult sometimes to trust you, God, because we can't see you.
And that's just the reality of it. And that's where our fate steps in. That's where the word of God steps in. That's where our belief in you steps in. That's where the Holy Spirit steps in. And so I just thank you that you put up with us. I honestly You know, sometimes ask myself like why do you love us so much even in our brokenness like nobody loves us or accepts us the way you do and I think that a lot of it really has to do with you wanting us to see, witness something So magical that we also have the ability to pass it on.
And so right now, Lord, if a couple or somebody that's listening right now is struggling financially with their partner, I want you to remind them that they are a team, that instead of looking at each other and pointing the finger, that they need to be creative with each other and become a team to be able to solve whatever it is that's happening.
That's what you want for them. That's the outcome that you want for them. That's how they will learn from each other. That's, that's how they will learn the lesson that you want to teach them is if they work as a team. So Lord, I pray over the marriages and relationships listening right now. And I pray that you allow them to work as a team today.
It is in your name we pray. Amen. Okay. Amen. Listen, if you are loving this podcast, make sure you subscribe to it, save it. Please leave a comment on Apple iTunes or on Spotify. If you have a question about anything, make sure you subscribe to my newsletter, release your relationship where I share weekly gems on how to surrender your partner.
That is also the link in my bio. This morning I sent an entire thread for couples that feel like their partner doesn't care about them and how to solve for it So I am going to be sending you that weekly. Okay. I love you so much And yeah, thanks for coming back for another week. All right. Let's get a mucho.
Ciao
